First Steps Revisited

Mexican Horse Thief-Amanzimtoti1

This is mainly written for myself, but some may find it helpful, and contribute to help me out here.

I wrote the Chronicles II, for mainly one reason. It was a journal for people like me, the ones voted least likely to succeed. I walked the Program and did what it took to be voted a great success, then after seven years, threw it all away.  I wrote a series Strange Classrooms to share what I had learned about the lessons in those Classrooms, again to help the misfits, like myself.  Not because I am a good guy but because one of the very first lessons I learned was: By helping others you help yourself, even more.

For the last twelve years or so, I fall in and out of the Rooms and have noticed that few people that had long term sobriety, fall off the wagon for a period of time, ever succeed like they did the first time. If you fall off and get back on the horse your chances of succeeding are much, much greater, it seems.

Now I am on a mission to find out WHY??

This is the first of a new series, I hope, of Strange Classrooms, perhaps I will learn something.

My first thought is that I have not got it in my head this time that I AM powerless over alcohol, the first Step. I just glance over it now, thinking, “Ag hell, got that one right years and years ago.” No, not true, I lie to my friends and myself that I can have a drink or two with no problems, often. Then get in a world of shit and say I will run the Program again. As I say; flitting over Step One quite nicely, thank you very much. No wonder I fail, constantly! Until I get my brain to think, “You cannot have even one drink”, instead of “I need a drink, or two, just two.” I stand absolutely no chance in the game.

Those are my thoughts at the moment, a few other things are running around my brain and I will write them down later.


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