Fear & Hate

Many, many years ago, in a Strange Classroom a man told me my biggest problem in life was my fear. I could not believe that this man would insult me so! In the neighborhood I grew up in to be called a coward by showing fear was the norm. To this end I held the record for going the deepest of all the boys into the abandoned Simmer & Jack mine shaft, I caught venomous snakes for a hobby and never walked away from a fight. As an adult I changed my first call up paper for the SADF, PDK Services in Pretoria, to one for the Infantry in Phalaborwa, making sure I went to the Border. Years later, in another war, when I could choose between staying and training troops in a safe camp, I volunteered for the Rapid Deployment Team. What the fuck was this idiot talking about!?

After attending more Strange Classrooms of various persuasions I learned how ignorant I was and how full of fear. I may not have any fear of things that terrify functional, rational people, but saw that the things they considered normal everyday issues, terrified me. I listened in awe as some very, very hard men openly discussed these fears they had in the Strange Classrooms! I learned that everyone has some fear or another, the thing was that some people in order to progress admitted these fears and did something positive to alleviate them. Up until this point all I had done about my fear was deny it, call it by another name and avoid doing the things I was afraid of. So the man was right, my life was a mess because of these fears.

The one that caused the most obvious harm was my fear of authority and structure of any kind. I “hated” bureaucracy and the earliest problem with this was getting a driving license. I drove a car from about 16 years old, how else could I get into Hillbrow to go drinking?

Then when old enough to get a license I DID go and faced the paperwork and the horrible man that took me for the test. He failed me, as I knew he would. So I just did not go back, for years. I had a company car but no license and at the age of 25 my wife convinced me to go for my driving license again. Older and wiser I took a bottle of Brandy for the man that would test me, solving that problem. My life was full of similar incidences resulting in these irrational fears and the dysfunctional way I would handle situations I feared.

Slowly, slowly I learned, if not how to rid myself of these pathetic fears, at least how to cope with them. As in all the lessons I have had to learn, this one started off with honesty, with myself.  Then I had to try and find the source of these fears and address them for what they were, not on how I perceived them.

One hears people sprouting of that all hate is based on fear, and once one looks honestly at this thing called hate, within oneself, you may be shocked to see that little homily is pretty accurate. When one decides to do something about the fear, the hatred seems to just go away and one’s life becomes a much more serine one.

 

A compilation of my Strange Classrooms is soon to be released, please “Like” and  keep an eye on this page.

THE MEXICAN HORSE THIEF

Here is a story of developing and breaking an addiction, while dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome at the same time.

THE CHRONICLES OF THE MEXICAN HORSE THIEF II

 

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One Response to “Fear & Hate”

  1. Wayne Bisset Says:

    Reblogged this on Section Eight Solutions.

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